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One of the very best things, at least in my view, about the Northwest are the farmers’ markets. I think I have been primed for these since childhood. My mom was an excellent gardener as you would expect from a girl who grew up on a farm. She had a green thumb that I envy to this day. Sure, I can keep a plant alive and I can often get tomato plants to produce but that is the extent of it. In any case, she always had a garden and the things she grew always tasted so much better than anything from the supermarket.

Fast forward to my adult years, on my own living in Seattle and the produce at the supermarket was pretty good, then one day I wandered into Pike Place Market and discovered farm stands. Fresh fruit, fresh vegetables – things that had been on the plant or in the ground at the most 24 hours ago. Wow. That was my first introduction, but it would be a couple of years before I would discover the joy of the markets that set up in the street or park or parking lot. The lines of farmers, soap makers, jewelry artists, cheese mongers, bakers, spice hawkers, tea sellers that formed up on weekend mornings to bring their wares to people like me.

There was a time when the height of decadence for a Sunday morning was a pot of good coffee, a really sinful pastry and the Sunday paper. I have traded that in for a prowl along the purveyors found on Ballard Avenue, for the big splash of food stands and wine makers to be found at Portland State or the more intimate gathering of farmers and dog biscuit makers to be found in Esther Short Park of Vancouver, WA.

Everything you could want is there – the coffee stand that has the full array of drip coffee to fru-fru lattes, the baker who sets out a tempting assortment of pastries, the grower who arranges piles of seasonal produce so beautiful that you become confident that you will indeed find a recipe for those heirloom beans you had never heard about before. There are the gorgeous specimens of plant life that get you to dreaming about that garden you never wanted to start, next to the woman who makes artisan dog biscuits. From the necessary to the ridiculous (at least for you, but perhaps not for the person next to you), it can be found there.

There is a practicality about it, if you look for it. I eat more vegetables and fruit during that period from May to October – the usual season for the markets – than I do the rest of the year. From these markets I have come to love the seasonality of produce; that a tomato tastes best in late summer when it comes straight from the vine, that apples are at their crisp and juicy glory in the fall, that artichokes are a product of high summer (and can be split for grilling). I have learned to wander the stands in the early spring in anticipation of the first greens, greedy for the produce I have missed in the cold and dark winter months.

They have come to punctuate the seasons of my life here. I look forward to that opening day knowing there won’t be much there but happy to banter with the folks who gamely man the sparse stalls, talking hopefully about what is about to ripen. I enjoy the nonchalance of the summer months when I become complacent over the bounty on display, looking critically at each stand to find the best salad greens or the best price on snap peas. And there is the certain sadness in the late fall knowing that the market is getting ready to close for the season, only to be followed by the anticipation in late winter that the opening weekend is approaching.

So for the people who grow the produce, for the artists and artisans who get up early on weekends to flog their wares I am grateful. Grateful to live in a place that understands the value they bring.

Pinot Noir Grapes

Pinot Noir Grapes

Lately I’ve been a bit housebound. A combination of weather, projects and job hunting have conspired to keep me indoors and thus there hasn’t been much to write about. Then this morning I was in the car and the station that has dedicated itself to all Christmas Carols All the Time, played a song that seems to be associated with Christmas, though to me it will always be a strong reminder of the ignominy of my sixth grade choir days (when the teacher told me to just ‘lip sync’…). It is “My Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music.

It got me to thinking about just that – my favorite things. The things that I am thrilled to have found, the places that I love to go back to, the people who are part and parcel of why they are my favorite things. So I thought I would take some time and fill a few posts between now and the New Year with them.

So first up is Sokol Blosser Winery. This is a favorite destination, one of the places in Dundee that I stop into time and again, whenever I am in the area, and never get tired of. Why is it a favorite? It goes well beyond the wine, which I am quite fond of. A large part of it is that they just have really great people.

Seriously, they have the memories of elephants, the patience of Job and know a lot about wine to boot. I have been in this place when it was wall to wall people, on the most crowded days they see, and yet they are always gracious, personable, happy to see you. I’m sure they get stressed out on such days, they would have to be super human not to, but there they are with a smile on their face and happy to answer all your questions. This a smart, fun, and funny group who believe in the product they are making, who feel like it is a big extended family that is running the place. There are some places in the region who we have dubbed “Domaine Snooty Pants” because that is the vibe they give off, places that look askance at you if you arrive in a vehicle that costs less than the GNP of a small European country. Sokol Blosser is not one of them.

Another reason I love this place is the setting. The tasting room has some of the most beautiful views in the area. They are in the midst of building a new one (I imagine that they need a bigger space) and my fervent hope is that they will still have the incredible vistas that I love. The sweeping expanse of vineyards, the charming houses, the trees in the distance; I would be willing to bet that half the pictures I have on my camera were taken at this place.

Then there is the wine. Yeah, the wine. This is the very first wine club I ever joined. It is the only one I have stuck with over the last few years. They have a nice variety of wines, and make my favorite all-purpose red (Evolution Red). The prices run from affordable to splurgable. And then there is the rose. Oh my. Their Rose of Pinot Noir is truly summer in a glass and while almost everyone in the area is making one of these, this is still my favorite.

So there it is, Sokol Blosser. One of my favorite things.

Tradition

I’ve been watching a group of monks create a sand mandala at my local library (and can I just say, how cool is it that the library here had monks building this in their lobby?). It was gorgeous, so intricate and colorful, all of it made out of small bits of sand – or rather crushed, colored marble. It is an age-old tradition in their culture, one that is revered and honored.

As a result of this event I’ve been thinking about traditions. This time of year it seems we talk a lot about such things and I am always impressed by some of the traditions I see my friends engage in. One gathers a gang of carolers for a Christmas Eve marathon of singing, for example. Another has a somewhat intricate schedule of what decorations go up on what day and who is involved in it. My own family has traditions – some fairly old, such as Christmas dinner of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding; others a bit newer such as opening gifts on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day.

There are the traditions of this area. The Christmas Ships are something I look forward to, I used to love watch them on Lake Union. The larger ships that you buy tickets for as well as the trail of decorated sail boats and other private craft that trail after them. There is something about the floating array of lights and color that always makes me smile. There is the Pacific Northwest Ballet’s version of the Nutcracker that includes a stage set designed by Maurice Sendak. Portland has the Revels, one of ten in the country, a program of traditional music that focuses on the traditions of a different country or region each year. And there is the festival of lights at the Grotto.

As for me, much of Christmas has to do with the ornaments for my tree, a growing group that have been gleaned from childhood, from places I have traveled and lived. Each one of them carrying its own meaning just for me. It is in the gathering of treats that ultimately become my gift to the folks back home.

Traditions are important, they give us a feeling of connections, solidity, a sense of those who came before and will follow after. They speak to who we are and where we came from. They are a way to mark the passing of time while also reaching for a certain immortality.

One of the things that so fascinates me about the sand mandala is that after all that work, after hours and days of bending over the elaborate design to place just the right amount of a particular colored sand in just the exact place, the monks sweep it away. It exists in the blink of an eye, in the grand scheme of things. This beautiful creation is born, matures and dies in a brief spark of time. This is done to remind us all of the impermanence of all life on Earth. The mandala shows us the beauty of care and attention, how focused practice brings light to the world, but also how fleeting it all is.

It is a tradition with intent. And it makes me think about my own traditions and how much weight I give them. For some, perhaps too much weight. For others maybe not enough. I suppose I wonder if sometimes we don’t substitute tradition for an unwillingness to move forward. We point to traditions so we can keep things as they are, and we get upset when they fall away or get pushed away.

So this year I am going to start a new tradition. I am going to dedicate this time, this season to examining what I am holding on to. A sort of emotional spring cleaning; decide what is worth keeping and what I should let go of. Life is fleeting, impermanent and I want to travel somewhat lighter with my focus on the world around me rather than on my feet and the load they carry.

Lemelson on a perfect fall day

Fall is winding down, heralded by the sloppy wet weather of the past couple of weeks. It can be easy to feel oppressed by the low dark clouds, to want to crawl back under the covers on cold and gray mornings, to believe that coffee is the only antidote for mid afternoons that feel like late evening. As we head into winter and the attendant fears and hopeful anticipation of snow or ice or other such dire weather, I find myself cherishing those singular days between storms.

The leaves have turned, and a goodly number (if my porch is any indication) have already fallen, but those that remain are gorgeous. This is when the evergreens are in their glory, when the grass is having a second birth from the rain we all curse, and when those trees still holding on to their golden glory seem to glow in the stolen sunshine.

Such was the Monday after Thanksgiving. It started as a cold and windy day, the last of the storm clouds gathering in conference over the distant Cascades to the east and thus a perfect day to head to Dundee. As much as I have loved the Wine Country Thanksgiving outings, this year I just couldn’t muster the energy to mingle with the enthusiastic crowds. Having a leisurely day in quiet tasting rooms seemed much more my speed, and I was not disappointed.

After our sojourn at the Republic of Jam, we headed back from Carlton, doing as we usually do – missing the turn off for the 99 and ending up taking highway 240 and then Worden Hill Road (a beautiful road, at least after you get past the gravel part, with the attendant potholes and such). But as we did, we passed a sign for Lemelson. And then we saw the place – a beautiful building in a gorgeous setting. We turned around and headed back.

It is a lovely tasting room, warm and welcoming, and we had the place to ourselves. Like so many in the area, this place is pretty much all Pinot Noir. On the menu this particular day was a very nice Chardonnay, one done in new and neutral oak that really took me by surprise. It was crisp and flavorful, with a nice mineral component and none of the cloying, buttery oak that has too often been the highlight of Chardonnay in this country. This was followed by three Pinot Noirs, all slightly different.

The Cuvee X was probably my favorite; we were told that this is the winemaker’s brainchild. I love these kind of wines, where the winemaker gets to play at being a mad-scientist of sorts, playing with the grapes to create a labor of love. This wine is a great example of just how well that can turn out. It is a fun wine, one with a peppery nose that is along the lines of a bigger red like a Syrah or a Merlot. It is a big wine; not the usual dainty and complex Pinot Noir I have come to know and love. This is Pinot Noir for the non-Pinot drinker. Yet as much as such wines usually bug me (if you are making Pinot Noir, make Pinot Noir…) I liked this one.  The flavor and complexity weren’t lost in the mix, they were just taken to a very different place.

I am, I fear, a bit spoiled now. I have my favorite wineries and my favorite wines. So it is good to get outside that comfort zone and try something new. This was a wonderful melding of new wines to experience in a gorgeous setting on a gorgeous day. It reminded me of my first wine tasting trip in this area, almost exactly six years ago to the day. The thrill of something new and interesting, the beginning of a new passion, all set in this golden glow of a stunning Northwest fall day. Maybe spoiled is the wrong word, perhaps complacent is better.

It becomes easy to take these days for granted, to whine about the weather, to whine about the distance, to whine about the wine. So for one day I was back in the glory of the green and gold, of the new adventure, of a perfect day with a good friend. No whining allowed.

Jammin’

Small towns are charming. Or they can be. I think my Dad might argue with me as he grew up in a small town and had to deal with some of the attendant nonsense that goes along with having a history; and yet I have a love for them, for the quirkiness and the neighborliness that seems to come standard with them.

Monday, after the hustle and bustle of Thanksgiving, Beth and I headed for Carlton, OR. Small town extraordinaire  – population 1,800 (1,700 of which seem to be involved in something affiliated with wine if you look at the main drag). We had a mission in mind, and that was to make our way to the Republic of Jam. No, not one of those quirky Oregon regions, but a lovely little shop in Carlton that specializes in, yes, jams.

We had carefully timed our visit to make sure we were there on a day they were open, but we arrived to find the place dark and locked. After a bit of dithering (because everyone knows if you stand around long enough or try the door enough times, magically it will open), we went down the way to Carlton Coffee Company to drown our sorrows in caffeine – as you do. On a whim, I asked the very nice man who was making my mocha if he knew anything about RoJ; were they on vacation? were they going to open today? He smiled at me, then went over to the other folks in the place, a group of four huddled around a table enjoying their own caffeine fix.

One of the group was Lynette, the Prime Minister of the Republic. Not a problem! She was up and away from her coffee, her family and her quiet day after the holiday rush to open her shop for us. That in and of itself was pretty amazing. And while I was looking to see for myself some of her wonderful and somewhat wacky sounding combinations, I was not prepared to be blown away by her culinary talents.

This is another one of those passionate, talented, inventive people that we are rife with in the Northwest. Listening to her talk about her creations was half the fun of the day, that we got to do so in what amounted to a private audience with her was just a bonus.  We spent a happy hour exploring the shelves of her little shop, exclaiming over the wonderful and unusual combinations we found there and raving over the samples she generously doled out to us.

Now I am not much of a jam person. Give me a nice strawberry jam and I am happy, but that is about it. I was never fond of marmalades, chutneys, berry jams or jellies, they just didn’t appeal to me. Apparently I was trying the wrong stuff. I was amazed by the plum vanilla bay jam she started with. First off – bay? Plum and bay? Who puts those two together? Well, Lynette and with great success. All this wonderful plum flavor, complimented by the vanilla and then just a bit of that spicy bay. I could eat it by itself, but the thought of this on warm scones was mind melting.

We tried a couple of things that morning, but there was one that just blew me away; seriously amazed me. It was her apple juniper mostarda. Mostarda is a very old and traditional Northern Italian condiment and yes, it is often made with apples; but Lynette has put an interesting and tasty spin on hers. I just want to slather this on grilled pork loin, dip sausages in it, or just eat it with a spoon straight out of the jar. It is that good.

I had intended on picking up a jar or two of something interesting to add to my Christmas box of goodies because I am all about the consumable gifts; small jars of things that Dad might like. I ended up with a large jar of pickled cherries, another of the mostarda along with smaller jars of strawberry-basil, marionberry-cinnamon and peach-lemon-lime. I’ll be going back for the beautiful jars of preserved lemon and limes, for the cherries in pinot noir syrup, for the strawberry balsamic jam (I said I loved strawberry jam…) and to try any or all of the new creations she talked about.

As we were leaving with our bounty, Beth wondered what it would take to have her adopt us. Both because she was just so very nice and because, well, the jams.  So yeah, small towns and culinary geniuses; nice to live somewhere there is an abundance of both.

O Tannenbaum

It’s a start. The lights are on the tree, the ornaments have been sorted, and now they just need to be artfully placed. I love decorating the Christmas tree. Usually it is the day after Thanksgiving, a Friday afternoon given over to hot chocolate, Christmas Carols and the delightful chaos of tree decorating.

This year it took a little longer. I have been avoiding it. I have given it a lot of lip service, lots of comments about how maybe today, this afternoon, tomorrow morning; only to find myself studiously ignoring the closet with the tree and the blue box of Christmas decor.

I have a lot of reasons for the delay, but the truth is that this is my first Christmas without Mom in this world. Mom loved decorating the tree. Loved it. Okay, not so much the actual work of decorating the tree, but she did love to direct.

Someone – Dad, Geoff, someone – would be chivvied into unearthing the humongous box with the tree in it from the shed (Erik and I, being horribly allergic to the dust and pollen of live trees were the genesis of our ‘fake’ tree, though it was a beauty and lasted for decades), unwrapping it from the plastic it was encased in, and dragging the thing in to the Big Room (which was our name for the family room) to be assembled. It always went in the same place, but she would carefully direct the exact placement. I can hear Dad saying “Where do you want it Molly B?” as he set the footing down.

Next would come the unraveling and checking of the lights. Strings and strings of lights that had been carefully wound into circles and yet still managed, over the course of the year, to become tangled. We would lay them out across the kitchen floor, plugging each one in to make sure all the lights worked. Which they never did, and then I would sit on the floor and look for the errant bulb. Then all would be dragged out to the tree to begin the weaving and the winding of the lights.

Mom would sit on a chair, or later the couch that came to live in that room, and tell me what to do. “It needs more on the bottom.” or “that strand doesn’t seem to twinkle” (which meant it had to come off), or “don’t you think it looks a little thin on the top?” and I would compensate accordingly. Finally she would pronounce it good and out would come box after box of ornaments.

First to go on were the Waterford ornaments and Wallace silver bells I had started getting her when I worked in the China department of an upscale department store. Her dream had always been to have a white flocked tree decorated with white twinkling lights and silver and crystal ornaments. She never got that tree, sadly, but we did the best we could with what we had to work with. These ornaments went in the front, where she could see them. Then came the beautiful painted glass icicles, then the balls of similar provenance, and finally the odds and ends.

Each would be placed and then approved – move those to the back, put the smaller ones up higher, those should go on the bottom where they won’t break when the cat bats at them. Each had a place in her vision and when we were done it always looked amazing, topped off by the white skirt with the appliqued  poinsettias. Each evening when the sun would finally set she would say it was time to ‘plug in the tree’ and the lights would dance in the dark family room, reflected off the crystal, silver and glass.

Sometimes, especially when I passed that wonderful self-absorbed adolescence we all go through, I would ask her about various ornaments and she would tell me about where they had come from. Sometimes she would talk about Christmases she remembered from her youth. One memorable occasion she talked about a snow storm from her life on the Canadian plains; how her father had taken them to school in a horse drawn sleigh because the snow was too high to walk through. I could feel the bone-chilling cold as described the ride and I can still see how she smiled at the end and gave a little shrug as if it wasn’t much of a memory.

The tree would stay up until New Years until everything was wrapped, rolled, tucked away for another eleven months. It is a tradition that has stayed with me. But this year it has been different. The tree is up. The lights are on, the ornaments will follow tomorrow. I’m stretching the ritual out this year. Savoring it. Thinking that I would dearly love for her to be sitting on the couch, directing me.

Bins waiting on grapes at Thistle Wines

Ah yes, Fall. October is almost over, I can’t believe it; it has been a relatively busy month. There were Wine Club Sundays sponsored by the Dundee Hills Winegrowers Association. This was a brilliant idea where if you belong to one wine club, you get a card making you an honorary member of 22 different wineries in the area. I was proud and somewhat shocked to realize that I had been to 18 of the 22 wineries on the list. Most of them multiple times… This coincided with wine club fall pickups, which made the drive out to the area just that much more fun.

Harvest was well in process, one of the earliest in quite some time and in stark contrast to the last two years. The leaves on the vines were already starting to turn, and the combination of the gray October skies, the yellowing vines, and the propane cannons (to keep hungry birds from those delicious, delicious grapes) made for a very atmospheric day. I swear there are times when I am out in the Willamette Valley that I really feel like I have stepped into an entirely different country. The rolling hills, the expansive vineyards, the gravel roads – sigh.

The changing colors of the vineyard

It was also the 50th anniversary of the “Big Blow” this month. The huge Columbus Day storm that literally decimated orchards in the region and caused damage from Northern California to Southwest Canada. The result of an extra-tropical cyclone (Typhoon Freda), the storm registered wind gusts of 145 miles per hour at the Oregon Coast (before most of the anemometers stopped working, toppled by the winds) and upwards of 100 mph in the inland cities of Portland, Salem and even Renton, WA. This was a story I first heard in a visit to Winter’s Hill winery a few years ago. Looking at the orchards that share real estate in the Willamette Valley with the myriad of wineries, I learned that many of those vineyards stand on places where orchards were destroyed. Interesting how we adapt.

In any case, Halloween is fast approaching with Thanksgiving nipping at its heels. Days are growing ever shorter, but what should be sleepy time of year is actually quite busy. In a good way. How is your fall falling?

Rain On Me

Falling rain

Fall is finally here. Mark the date, October 12. I woke this morning to rain after weeks of 70 degree weather – an unusual occurrence for us in this corner of the world. The leaves started turning a couple of weeks ago, though not in the usual burst of red or gold that seems to happen overnight, but a leaf here and there. I suspect that will go faster now.

I like fall; I like the color palate, the rich golds, oranges, reds that stand out against brown and green. I like the crisp mornings and chilly nights (nothing is as wonderful for sleep as snuggling down under the weight of the comforter, feeling surrounded by softness, with just a bit of chill on your face), and pleasant afternoons. I’m even happy to see the rain return. Sure, I’ll  be whining about it in a couple of months, but I have had a generous helping of clear blue skies and sunny days; it seems greedy to complain about a cloudy day at this point.

It feels as though it is going to be a busy time for me. There are some truly amazing things in the works; a new project in the mix with the wonderful Cindy Morefield has me very excited. The chance to create and curate a project with such a talented artist is pretty awe inspiring. There is a lot of writing to be done on several projects, and tapping the word mines is always good for my soul. I have a nice band of collaborators to lean on, this virtual artists’ colony that is growing and evolving, that needs to be maintained.

It is still raining out; has been for most of the day. I think it is time to go open a bottle of wine, something red to go with the leaves outside. Maybe curl up with a book in my favorite chair by the window and listen to the patter outside. I’m going to enjoy it for this moment, while it is still new and special and somewhat magical.

Pumpkin Patch

Maybe my favorite thing about fall is pumpkin. Seriously. Pumpkin. Pumpkin pie, pumpkin bread, pumpkin lattes, pumpkin ale. Yep. Pumpkin ale. I learned my lesson last year, can’t wait until Halloween to get a hold of pumpkin beers. You have to start the hunt right around now. And thus I find myself in possession of two of the species at the moment.

Laurelwood Stingy Jack Pumpkin ale (in my glass right this very moment) and Elysian Brewing Night Ale Pumpkin Ale. I have my eye out for several more on the list that I will grab when I have the chance. Due diligence and all that sort of thing…

Honestly? I looked askance at pumpkin ales for many years. Because seriously -pumpkin beer? But it is well suited for the task. Pumpkin is a wonderful, slightly sweet, somewhat meaty squash. Perfect for pie – yes? And it seems to be in that spirit that pumpkin ales arise. All the wonderful baking spices; the nutmeg, the cinnamon, the cloves. They pair as well with both the sweet maltiness of ale while accentuating the nice citrus notes of good hops. Add into it the actual pumpkin (and in the case of Laurelwood, even the seeds) and you have a thing of beauty.

The Laurelwood Stingy Jack is an amber ale,very coppery in color when poured. The first thing to hit your nose is the nutmeg. The first thing to hit your palate is spice and malt. This isn’t an overly sweet beer, it is nicely balanced. This is followed almost immediately by the hops – a touch of bitterness, a touch of lemon. The citrus is a nice counterpart to all that wonderful cinnamon-allspice-cloves-nutmeg combination. This is a beer to be enjoyed, to linger over, to spend time with friends with on a crisp autumn day, even if we haven’t had one of those here yet. It tastes like fall, like the flavors we associate with the season.

The Night Owl by Elysian Brewing is also sitting in my fridge at the moment. Elysian actually makes two pumpkin ales – Great Pumpkin Imperial Ale is the other and I have not yet tried it. But I do like the Night Owl. This is a very pumpkiny pumpkin ale. The pumpkin flavor hits you right up front. It is hard to describe what pumpkin tastes like – sort of earthy, sort of sweet, sort of squashy. Is squashy a word? Whatever it is, you get it in the first taste. According to the Elysian website, pumpkin and pumpkin seeds are added at pretty much each step – mashing, kettle and fermenting and it shows. This is by far the most pumpkin flavor I have found in a pumpkin ale. The baking spices are there too, but I find them to be much more subtle in this one.

Okay, I’ll say it. I liked the Elysian a bit more, I think it has the edge in the pumpkin category. I was kind of surprised, really. The Stingy Jack is a good beer, a really good beer. I just get a lot more of the gourd in the Night Owl. So much so that I want to go hunt down Elysian’s Great Pumpkin and see what that yields. I am, after all, all about the market research.

Yom Kippur

A day that has always intrigued me. The idea of an entire day of contemplation and atonement seems amazing to me. A day where you literally ask those around you for forgiveness. I am not Jewish, but so many aspects of Judaism interest me if, for nothing else, their practicality. Like Yom Kippur. We all can do with a little forgiveness for our sins, I think. Sometimes we need forgiveness from ourselves. Often, in fact, we need forgiveness from that one  person who is usually our worst critic and most unforgiving – us.

Then there is the idea of contemplation. The notion of looking hard at ourselves, not to criticize but maybe to see where it is we are, how we got here and where it is we really want to go. There are days when I am amazed that I ended up in this corner of the world. Seriously and truly amazed. Had I contemplated this move I doubt I would have made it. I lucked into it more than anything else. Almost twenty years ago I was given five thousand dollars. A gift from my grandmother. On nothing more than that I packed up and moved to Seattle. No job, no prospects for a job, and a small apartment in Bellevue.

It was a bold move. Me, the cautious girl who rarely made a rash move. The one that took a month to make a decision on pretty much anything. I would never have contemplated this move. It was impossible;  nothing more than a nice dream – until the day I got into the car to make the drive. I feel lucky to still be here. I feel grateful to still be here.

Contemplation. At the moment I am contemplating my next move. What do I do next? I’m not sure, but I have a feeling it will be something else of my own creation rather than another 9-5 job.  I look around at so many friends who are shrugging off that traditional work paradigm to make their own way in the world. Independent contractors, consultants, mercenaries (which is the real meaning of freelance, you know); throwing ourselves out there into the world without much in the way of a safety net. A move that you don’t want to contemplate too closely lest it stop you in your tracks. Mercenary indeed; contemplating being tied to a desk again is almost as frightening as contemplating being my own boss.

And what about atonement? What do I atone for – maybe drinking a bit too much good wine, a bit too much good beer, eating a bit too much really good food. Do I need to atone for choosing a life that has brought me so much interesting…stuff? I think of forays into the Oregon wine country, of the somewhat decadent meals I have shared with Sharon and Mitch and Craig and Carol and Beth and Geoff and I feel grateful. I think of road trips to the beach, to the mountains, along the river, all the way to Walla Walla and back and I feel lucky. I think of friends like Kent and Erik and Bob who make me laugh and are the best band of male cheerleaders a girl could ask for and I feel good and truly blessed. I don’t regret a minute of the time I have spent in the last six years, since I really began this journey here anew. Not a single minute.

Maybe I should atone for worrying friends when I was laid off. For worrying my folks when I decided the best thing I could do was go to Europe for a month and a half. For being grumpy and cranky during those moments of growing pains. For being frustrated when things weren’t going the way I planned. For losing hope and worse – losing faith – more than once during this journey. For that I do offer atonement, because coming out the other side? Pretty darn wonderful. So I am contemplating the future, the one that started a while ago. I’m looking forward to what happens next. Can’t wait to see what it might be.

What are you contemplating?